BREAKING THE NEWS - Update

TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED - So I am moving on....!

OK so where do i begin...well anyone who has been reading my blogs for the last few months will be aware of the situation with my mum not approving of the man i intend to spend the rest of my life with. Reason being: He is NIGERIAN(and I am Ghanaian) and also because he comes form a family with mixed religion( Christian and Muslim).

Mr and i have been seeing each other for almost 6yrs now and trust me it hasnt ben easy. As i have been doing my best and trying all things possible to put my mum in the picture for the last 4 years.. but she just keeps comming up with all these excuses and just wont send.

So a few months ago Mr and I had a heart to heart about the future of our relationship and decided that it was time for me to step up and tell my mum of our intention to take our relationship to the next level by getting engaged and then married once I graduate from University in June.

This was not an easy decision to make at all and trust me I was scared to break the news to my mum as I didnt how I would handle things if she went off on one....so i spoke to a lot of my Uncles, Aaunties and Cousins for some advise on the best way to go about thing. All this time praying and fasting about it as i felt a bit lost and needed direction and the strength to break the news to my mum.

The plan was to get my cousin and Uncle to sit with me while i talked to mum but things did not go accordingly, so i decided to take matters into my own hads and speak to my mum one on one.

But trust me I was still kinda scared when the time came........thinking back now.. I dont really know why i was scared....i guess it was just because i finally had to stand up to my mum about my future with MR. As i have allowed them to dictate to me for soo long.

Lets just say that ...... I was not expecting her to jump for joy and finally accept and respect my decision. After saying all that i had intended to say to her about family introductions and all our other plans..all she said was that she was not ready to meet Mr's family.

I thought ...Well at least she did not say oner her dead body and stress the fact that she wont attend our wedding if we intend to take things furthur......so thats a change.

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder after speaking to her although she still does not approve.......Mr and I are now making arrangements for the necesaary prcedures to follow... but in the time being, my Uncles and Aunties are still on my side and trying to gradually get my mum tochange her mind.

All of this is just not fair on me... I have dedicated over 25yrs of my life to family and they still want to have me attending to thier needs forever... NO WAY.

I just dont get it. I am the only one that my mum and sibblings call on when they need help but no one is e ver there for me. They never give a damn about anything my needs but are always tryingh to tell mewhat to do when it comes to decisions in my life that caoncern my future. that cant be right.

I know that families are very important in our lives but what do u do when this same family never seem to want whats best for you and respect your decisions.

They never give u a pat on the back .. or say well done or Thank u for anything that i do.....they just keep trying to hold me back in everything that involves me moving on in my life.

Why!!!Why cant they just leave me alone!!

I THOUGHT FAMILIES ARE MEANT TO SUPPORT YOU IN WHATEVER U DO AND BE THERE FOR ONE ANOTHER......DAMN!

IM JUST SOOO FED UP!

A lot of people have adviced me to go on and do what I feel is best for me and that my mum will come around in the end..as her behaviour has nothing to do with MR but rather with the fact that she doesnt want to let me go/lose me.. but trust me its not easy!!

Words of Inspiration that have kept me going so far....

When the burden that you carry seems impossible to endure just look up to the Lord for your help from him is sure.
He knows just what you need, You're his child after all, Just call upon his precious name He will never let you fall.
And through it all continue to praise, Knowing that you'll be set free, seek his face, He's always be there, Have faith and you'll see

Looking back at my life so far.. i have really been blessed in so many ways and accept that I need to count my blessings and be Thankful to the Almighty and commit all my worries unto him so my concluding phrase for this blog will be :

I AM TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED!!

BLACK HISTORY MONTH !!

Black History Month has been celebrated in the UK ever October for over 30years. It was set up to commemorate and celebrate the achievements of the black community and to also uncover the hidden history about our communities -BHM Website.

I am very passionate about my culture and heritage and always defend it to the best of my ability. This is not very easy when you live in a society where people take you for granted and belittle you just because of the colour of your skin, where the only ideas that your friends and colleagues have of your so called country of birth is what they see in Oxfam Adverts and on CNN,where people think that all Africans live in huts and that Africa is country and not a continent!

Most of us have left our countries of birth in search of greener pastures but let us not forget who we are and where we come from.....be proud of who u are and where u from and no one can ever take that away from you.

I came across this poem by Wayne Visser( a South African Poet) during my first year when I was carrying out some research for my Media Studies assignment. Just thought i share it with u.

I AM AN AFRICAN........

I am an African Not because I was born there But because my heart beats with Africa’s

I am an African Not because my skin is black But because my mind is engaged by Africa
I am an African Not because I live on its soil But because my soul is at home in Africa

When Africa weeps for her children My cheeks are stained with tears

When Africa honours her elders My head is bowed in respect

When Africa mourns for her victims My hands are joined in prayer

When Africa celebrates her triumphs My feet are alive with dancing

I am an African For her blue skies take my breath away And my hope for the future is bright

I am an African For her people greet me as family And teach me the meaning of community

I am an African For her wildness quenches my spirit And brings me closer to the source of life When the music of Africa beats in the wind My blood pulses to its rhythm And I become the essence of music

When the colours of Africa dazzle in the sun My senses drink in its rainbow And I become the palette of nature

When the stories of Africa echo round the fire My feet walk in its pathways And I become the footprints of history

I am an African Because she is the cradle of our birth And nurtures an ancient wisdom

I am an African Because she lives in the world’s shadow And bursts with a radiant luminosity

I am an African Because she is the land of tomorrow And I recognise that her gifts as sacred

HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!!!

Why men cheat !

Ok so i decided to help one of my friends with some resech as she writes for one womens magazine.....she was just looking up interesting topics for the copule of months ...s o i thpught what the heck let me just help a sister out....Trust me it was soo much fun....I came across a few articles and findings that will be sharing with you....as I would like to hear what the guys and ladies out there think about this issue so here goes. i have edited some of it but but trust me the juicey bits are all intact....Enjoy!!

The findings and quotes in this article are all opinions expressed by iVillage members(Womens website).
Source/Credits: Abby Schwartz and Eileen Livers

Like it or not men cheat. They stare @other girls even when you are with them(looku looku) . They're obsessed with big butts and big boobs…
The married ones come home late from work with the excuse of having to work late or attending one meeting, then the poor wives find lipstick marks on their collars.
Research carried out by iVillage reveled that men do cheat and they definitely cheat more than their female counterpart.
In the original Kinsey Report, published more than 50 years ago, approximately 60 per cent of men, compared to 30 per cent of women, were unfaithful to their spouses before the age of 40. (Now that's not nice)Those numbers have remained much the same in subsequent studies over the years. So reading on…..I finally got to what I really wanted to know

WHY DO MEN CHEAT?

1. SEX: Men just can't control their eyes, hands and ...'Women need a reason to have an affair, men just need a place' - go_getter'Men will cheat if given the opportunity. They are just like that! They can be happy in their relationship and life, but if the opportunity to cheat is there, they will do it! I really believe they can't help it.' - ldrake5477'I asked my boyfriend why men cheat.... He said, 'Men do it for sex'. He said that a man can have sex with another woman and not feel anything for her' - pismotam

2. QUICK FIX: Although sneaking around takes a lot of effort, many iVillagers believe that more effort is required to salvage a rocky relationship.'People have affairs because they are lazy. It is easier to go running off with the office tramp than it is to admit something is wrong with your relationship and make a commitment to work on it' - jesusfreak1'I think if people took half the time and effort they put into sneaking around and channelled that energy into making a great marriage or relationship, they would realise that, most of the time, what they are looking for has always been with them.' - who_dat'Sometimes the thought of divorcing and changing everyone's lives is much too hard to handle. So the easier choice is an affair. I don't think it's the right choice, but most people will take the easier road, thinking no one will be hurt because they are keeping the marriage and family intact. - lovestargazer

3. THE FRAGILE MALE EGO: We all like to be complimented by the opposite sex and, according to many iVillage women, that's the ground for most men's affairs.'My now ex-husband not only cheated on me but on every former lover, girlfriend and wife (one before me) with whom he was involved. It was an emotional thing. He had to prove to himself that he was attractive and appreciated by women. It was his way of judging himself and his own self worth. - laughingagain 'I think unfaithfulness goes hand in hand with low self-worth. Cheaters seek approval or fulfilment in the eyes of another person when they should be looking within themselves.' - weasy71 'I think it has a lot more to do with how the cheater fells about his/her self, rather than how the cheater feels about his/her spouse.' - lee_823

4. TO FILL A VOID: Many iVillagers concluded that men cheat because they are not satisfied with their relationships. When something is missing, be it regular sex or healthy communication, men try to fill this gap with an affair. 'Just like women, men cheat when there is something lacking in a relationship. The wife may not even see what's missing. Maybe the man wants kinkier sex and is afraid to ask, or has already been turned down. Maybe he's cheating with another woman who doesn't nag him.' - barrysgal 'My husband and I had problems, and he tried to solve them with someone else. It didn't solve them - it just made them worse.' - djb61 'I guess, in a nutshell, the reason why a spouse cheats is because he/she feels alone.' - olivepop

5. SELFISHNESS: Whether they're immature, greedy or just haven't got a clue, some men don't value or respect their partners, say iVillagers. 'Sometimes people cheat in a marriage because they are not mature enough to understand and live by their vows.' - meanmommy 'Cheating is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, because despite the fact that they entered into a relationship with another person they choose to act as though they are the only one whose feelings, needs and desires matter.' - nura_p 'Somehow we've become so convinced about what we're entitled to that we have completely lost sight of what we are responsible for. It doesn't matter who gets hurt, as long as we get what we want.' - juliewho 'I believe some people are so needy they devour their partner's love and move on.' - aZVDB

I WAS IN STITCHES AFTER READING THIS LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK....l8r XXX

Absolutely Unacceptable.....

I write this blog with a heavy heart...as i am still upset and fuming from the events of the past week.

Mr and I were involved in settling disagreements between two married couples (friends of ours)all within the space of four days. I am not talking just couples disagreeing or arguing about stuff oooh. This one nah blow for blow exchange.

I do not think that it is right for a man to hit a woman especially his wife and i do not think that it is also right for a woman to also hit a man.

Guys don't get me wrong ooh i know that some women know how to wind their men up to the point of no return but.. i think that a real man should be able to walk away from the situation no matter what, without giving in to the temptation of raising your hand to strike a woman.

I also know that men sometimes take the utter piss to the point that you feel like killing them but ..we need to be able exercise self control in such situation.

The bit that really gets to me in all this is that both couple have kids who witness all this madness every time that it happens. Why will any parent want to put their child through all that.

Hitting ones wife/ Girlfriend/ Husband/ Boyfriend does not solve the problem .. it only complicates things....

EPISODE ONE:

Mr and Mrs A. live just next door to us and have a beautiful daughter who turns 2 in October. Their situation is soo complicated as it involves so many little & big things that have happened over the years. So any little disagreement always erupts into a big fight, which end up in bruise, broken doors, plates ...u name it. Evryone in the area knows about thier fights but.. no one has dared to ever call the Police as we feel thatit might lead to Social Services taking thier Daughter away.. i guess no one wants to be a home recker.

I know that people have made silly remarks that it might be their way of expressing their love for each other.. which i think is totally absurd. WEY KAN LOVE B THAT?

They fight each other at least twice a month and it is not easy to live next door to such drama. Mr and I decided a long time ago not to get involved any longer but it not easy when u hear them fighting and knowing that there is a two year old who sees all this..... is heart breaking.

I always feel akward when thier daugther visits us and tries to explain what her parents get up to (just because she is upset)...How do u make a child of 2 understand why her mum and dad get into fist fights?

EPISODE TWO:

Mr and Mrs B (are a mixed couple...Mr is from Naija while Mrs is from Lithuania)

Well to cut a long story short, Mr had been running up his phone bill by calling one chick that he works while his Mrs was away on holiday, he claimed he was helping her with her papers and this was well to known to the Mrs but his Mrs started to get a bit suspicious as Mr always excuses himself when this chick called and will be speaking really quietly if u know what i mean(like he was hiding something) So Mrs called the girl and asked her if there was anything going on as she did not feel that her husband should whisper or excuse himself everytime she calls him......

Now in true black people style the girl flipped at the Mrs telling her that she should have a word with her husband as he was the one chasing her and about how she is more prettier than the Mrs and a whole load of rubbish so the Mrs Flipped on her and cussed her proper.

So we(a few female friend as the Mrs doesn't have many friends) were at their house on the weekend about to celebrating their sons 2nd birthday when Mr walked into the house(as he had popped out earlier on) went straight to the Mrs and started asking her why she called the chick he works with and what ahe said to her.......

The Mrs was a bit surprised as he was doing this in our presence and in the presence of soo many other kids.....she did not say anything to him as she did not want to cause a scene...

Next thing we heard was whhammm Whhhammm Mr had slapped his Mrs twice and she was on the floor.

We all stood there in suprise...at Mr's actions. The kids were all staring and a couple of them begun to cry. A couple of us rushed to help after a few seconds of digesting what had just happened we tried to get Mr off Mrs but we just were not strong enough so i got on the phone and called my swwetheart to come over and help (as welive just round the corner from them) ....at which point Mr just stormed out the door swearing and cussing.

I just could not believe it we all stood there not knowing what to say, as MRS obviously felt very uncomfortable because we had all witnessed the drama. But i must give her a lot of credit because she did not show a single sign of fear or weakness all though i knew that it was just a front.

What on earth will cause a man to strike a woman?

What would u have done if you were Mrs episode two's situation..cause i just don't want to sound bias.. but i Will take my bags and leave if my husband should ever hit me ooh.

How do u advice a friend in such a situation.......especially when there are kids involved and they start to pick up this violence displayed by their parents?

WHAT PISSES ME OFF ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING IS THAT THEY ALWAYS GET BACK TOGETHER AFTER A FEW DAYS ACTING ALL LOVIE DOVIE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED..WHO ARE THEY KIDDING?! Definitely not me !

Nyash like wow......

THANK GOD FOR ANOTHER WEEK!!!

Had a really stressful weekend but that ...i will leave for later cus i'm soo not in the mood to get pissed off again so i will gist u guys later.

Anyway I just want to thank all you wonderful people out there for the love and support that you guys gave me on my last blog topic.

The entire issue has been bugging me for years and I just had to get it all out. I hesitated a lot before putting up that blog.. but now .. I'm glad I did.

I LOVE U GUYS TO DA MAX !!!(Naapali, Manda, Labelle, Dreaming Truth, Aijay, Olamild,Nikkisab &Ugo Daniels) x x x x x

OK so on a lighter note, i was reading Ex Schoolnerds blog http://madeinnaija.blogspot.com/ last week about Looku looku......which i absolutely enjoyed reading, little did i know that i was going to make an extreme close up of looku looku.
Well lets just say i had a very close encounter a woman whose ass was bigger than that of an elephant... I swear Im not exaggerating oooh.
Damn the womans assss was hhhuuuuuuggggeeee!! Ah ah

I got on the bus to work the other morning..and as usual the bus was full with the usual school kids and 9 - 5'ers...I stood by the door for a while looking around to see if i could spot an empty seat by luck.
And BINGO! there it was....a seat just a few meters away. I was a bit surprised that no one had taken the seat as there were a lot of people standing...so i thought well it must be my lucky day..
I did the usual excuse me please! ..excuse me please!..as i made my way to the seat ...Hoping that no one would decide to beat me to it.....(u know there are some evil people out there, they only want something once they see someone going for it)
It was only when i got to the seat that i realised that there was a woman sitting in the chair next to the one I had spotted... ok well not just an average sized woman....
She was kind of on the HUGE side...lol
But i just thought ah well...It cant be that bad i can manage sitting next to her for about 6 bus stops.
I noticed something spilling out from her sides unto my seat but i immediately assumed that she probably had something in her pocket as she was wearing a cardigan..and so i just sat down......what ever it was that was spilling out unto my seat seemed to be taking up a bit of my seat and was feeling a bit uncomfortable so i decided to take a look.. just in case i was sitting on the stuff in her pocket ...or something like that.....
OMG.....U should have seen the look on my face when i realised that what i was feeling on my seat was actually part of the woman's hips that has taken up part of my seat...yie!!
I was in Shock for like 2mins and thought what the hell is all this and how the hell does she carry all of this around the damn place.
Lets just say i sat on a half a seat for about 5 stops as she got off a stop before mine.....
And trust me her getting off the bus was not that easy....people had to make way and she definitely rubbed a few people up the wrong way while trying to get off the bus.
I got to see her full figure when she got off the bus.I know its rude to stare but i just couldnt help it and trust me everyone on the bus was staring.
At that point, I remembered Ex- Schoolnerds blog about Looku looku and couldnt help but giggle. Oh girl (ExSchoolnerd) this blog is dedicated to you Girlfriend.......U crack me up!!

But i must confess that my back felt heavy just from watching the lady walk. Ouch!!

I HATE HIM SSOOOOO MUCH!

I HATE HIM!!

He use to come to my room late at night while everyone was asleep
I always begged him not to

Because I just did not like what he was doing

It just felt sooo wrong

I was so scared of metioning it to anyone

I that they might not believe me or

That they might get upset with me

EVEN AS A CHILD i knew what he was doing was wrong

But how was i to tell my parents or anyone else

What do i say

I was only 8......

I HATE HIM!!

I HATE HIM!!

Lord i look back at those days and ask myself

Why didnt i fight him

Why did i allow him to do those things to me

I have had to deal with the effects of his actions for all these years

It affected me in some ways

It was sucha horrible experience.....

Now when i think back to those times,

I cant even remember the episodes too well

My friend says that it is my way of trying to forget everything that happened

I know that he feels guilty and is Sorrry

Because he apologised to me a few years ago and is now a born again Christian

But am I just supposed to forgive him....

I very hard not to let it affect me ..

But it springs up in my mind every ow and then

I Hate myslef more and more for letting him do this to me...

I HATE HIM SOOO MUCH!!

MY GODSON

I just thought that I should share my joy with you lovely people.

One of my friends asked me to be Godmother to her son last week. I must say that i was very suprised because I only got to know this friend through one of my best friends about 3 yrs ago and thought it was really thoughtful of her and her husband to have picked me.

Thinking about it ...i just reaslise how amazing it is when we look at ourselves and somehow think that we are not really (dunno if this the right word to use.. but i hope u know what i am trying to say) perfect or that we could be better than we are - when we do not realise how much other people look up to us just for being ourselves..Ok now i feel like Iam going on too much.

So my blogville family... I would like to introduce u all to my Godson J. aka Yum Yum - cus everything goes straight into his mouth...!!!!