Monday, 17 March 2008

Goingz Onzs 2

But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. - Isaiah 40:31

Hey guys... longest time....I know I have been MIA for a few weeks now. A lot of stuff has been going on.....
My dissertation is due at the end of April so you can just imagine..So so books and journals i dey read ... my head feeels like its about to explode. Almost done with my Lit review and my research so I will be starting my write up really soon..God help me!!
In the mean time.. my issues with my mum still continue.......I decided a few months ago(after my mums cold attitude towards Mr's familyNah real wah.....Back sliding ) to cut all communication with my mum, because she had disgraced me in front of my future in -laws and had also made a right ass of herself.

I know some of you might think that my decision is quiet harsh but I really do not care at this point. I mean how am I supposed to show my mum love and treat her right when she continues to treat me like shit as if i just dont exists. I must confess that my life has been a lot better with less stress since i took this decision.
I know i stated that i was feeling really depressed and felt that i was backsliding in my Nah real wah post, what i didnt mention was how bad my depression was...Mr had to beg me to rethink all the things that i was considering: such as throwing myself down the staircase, walking into oncoming traffic or even a drug overdose. I never thought that I would ever consider doing such extreme things to myself but i had just had enough of everything and constantly having to justify my choice in a life partner and apologising for my mums crude behaviour to soo may people. I was just soo fed up......I thank God for the little voice inside my head that always stopped me from doing anything silly and the power of love which made me consider the effects of my actions on my dearly beloved Mr, who has been my physical pillar of strength in all this. So i have gotten into the habit of taking long walks in order to have a good cry whenever i feel a bit down(and trust me it works). Why the hell should I take my life just because my mum is soo bent on making my life miserable? That should even motivate me to prove her what the hell am I doing by contemplating suicide.........DAMN I NEVER THOUGHT IT COULD GET THIS BAD.
I dont miss not being in touch with my mum or anything to do with her but then again what do i expect to miss as she was never there for me in as a mother should for a daughter. So how am I am suppose to miss something that was never there.......?

I hate to ask this but.. is it possible for a mother to be jealous of her own daughter ?
I went to see my priest a few weeks ago when I was feeling really depressed and he said a lot of things that made me think about my relationship wit my mum and the sentiments that keep me from moving on with my life.
I wont lie ooh.. My mum has caused me soo much pain by saying the most hurtful and demeaning things to me. She has made me feel like I am nothing and has reduced me to nothing...I still have issues with confidence and my self esteem but I am working on at it and doing all that I can with he help of my friends and loved ones.
I have taken time over the last couple of weeks to think about my mums reasons for not wanting to give me her blessing and for not approving of my choice of a lifetime partner and I really cant seem to understand what the big problem is.......She objects to my relationship for the following reasons:
  1. Because Mr is Nigerian and I am Ghanaian (asking what I will do if Mr. decides to run away with my Children to settle in Nigeria if things do not work out...yeah right and I am just a mum abi)

  2. Because He is Muslim and I am Christian (I dont know why she keeps going on about this..It was one of my major concerns when Mr and I decided to get really serious about our relationship, he and his family do not expect me to convert and are welcome me as a christian as they have already have a few mixed religious marriages in their family. Mr is aware of the fact that our children need to be raised as Catholic until they are old enough to decided on what they want to be , as this is one of the recommendations of the Catholic church in cases such as mine where the other partner is not of Catholic faith)

  3. Because his family are of mixed faith both Christians and Muslims (She just doesn't see how they are able to live in peace and sees it as some kind of taboo)

  4. she wants me to be independent.. have my own house, car ........before getting married(regardless of the fact that my body clock is ticking )What happened to including your life partner in your future plans in order to work towards your future together. My mum just things that I intend to become a useless housewife when i get married. Its like she has no faith in me and just thinks the worst of me...what the hell does she think I payed my own way through 3 yrs of University for?

  5. she believes that MR is only putting on an act and that he will stop loving me once we start having his kids (yeah right.. using me for 7yrs.. he must have all the time in the world....some other guy would have run a mile after realising how cruel and horrible my mum is)

  6. that he will definitely want to have 2 more wives because of his religion
And the list goes on and on.............I know my mum is just concerned about my future and wants whats best for me but she definately isnt going about it the right way ......the scary thing is that my mum gave similar excuses years ago when my older sister use to bring guys home...15yrs later, my sister is now 37 yrs old, lives miles away from London -just to be away from my mum and my evil ass kissing brother, suffers from very low self esteem and is constantly depressed due to the way her life has turned out, just because she failed to stand up to my mum when she should have ...and did i mention my sister is still not married!! I really feel for my sister and continue to do all that i can to help her but the harm has already been done. I do not wish to end up like my sister ...God forbid!!
On a more positive note, Mr and I have picked the date for our wedding, which will definately be in December this year......venue has been provisionally booked and all..but i am taking a break from all the weding planning for now.. just until i have handed in my dissertation (end of April) then it will be full steam ahead...!!
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.~ 1 Peter 5:7


UndaCovaSista said...


And for what it's worth, i think you're going about things the right way. You seem to have done all you possibly can with your mum. What more can you do?

All the best with your dissertation and stuff...

30+ said...

God sees everything, he knows everything and he cares about all the tiny details of your life. Don't cry like just for the sake of it make your tears a communication and state your case before your maker.

God is your strength.

kuesooM said...

I can totally understand your mums concerns, regarding points 2-6, but she is going about it the wrong way. I pray that God will give both you and her wisdom and will mend the relationship the only way He knows how!

All the best, know that your life is precious to God!

AlooFar said...

It is well.


Nyemoni said...

kai! na real wah o! I must confess, I am stumped...I feel your pain but I don't have the right words to advise you....but let me say this: i will join you in prayers...I pray that God orders your step in every decision you make and may He make you realize His will so that you will be free from confusion and any worries...God bless you dearie!

princesa said...

Babes, i think you are really brave to be going on with the plans. man.
You are in my prayers.

princesa said...

Babes, i think you are really brave to be going on with the plans. man.
You are in my prayers.

Aphrodite said...

I totally feel u babe.
I have a similar post on my blog.

Your man is so cool for agreeing to marry u in the church and lets the kids attend the catholic church until they are of age despite being a muslim.

Abeg no leave that guy becos of anybody abeg!

tobenna said...

Good luck dear.
And all the best.
Can't say I envy you, but it's your life, your choice and it has to work.
Once you guys are decided, go for it.
Keep us posted on the wedding plans oh.
Oh, and charlie, pass those exams!

Afrobabe said...

Babe, knowing all this and seeing how ur sister's life turned out...I think you are in a good position to make an educated decision...Its not a decision anyone can make for u, you have to make it on ur own...

How can u consider self harming? Are u not an African woman? Have our people not survived more than this??

Come on snap out of it...You have the love of a good man...

Simi Speaks said...

Now, it all makes sense. wasnt so much why she was so adamant.

hon, pray and continue with ur plans. it's well. try and relish in the joys of planning ur wedding. dont let anyone take that joy.

My mum was adamant about my sister's future husband at first but my sister resisted. parents will have their concerns but we are also mature enough to make well-informed decisions. am sure you have!

Fo said...

Be strng gurl! *winks

teediva said...

go girl! dont let anyone weigh u down. life is way too short for that.

i have the strong belief that ur mom will come around sooner or later. she isnt deliberately trying to ruin ur life, she just cant see life as broadly as u can. give her time, she'll fall in love with her grandkids, and then hopefully their dad.

this sounds really hard for u. hang in there dearie,it will be well.

Senator said...

Your parents mean well to you. Maybe the way they go about it is d problem. Listen to her advice several times, then u will get d meaning.

Jaycee said...

I like the two scriptures u quoted...abt waiting on God and "casting all your anxiety on Him.

You're in a tight spot, but just trust that everything will work together for your good at the end of the day.

Abt the mixing of Religions, ur mum is a little bit right..tho ur husband agreed that you won't be converted to Islam, the hard truth is that it is usually harder for two people who are married to be of diff religions and not have conflict (and no one may tell you this but ur mother...although she should not refuse blessing ur marriage). As far as you enter this marriage with the knowledge of this fact, then u must be sure u wanna do this. :)

I pray for God's guidiance throughout ur wedding preparations, and I also pray for ur "happiness" at the end of the day. :) Smileeeeeee....God's gat u!

tobenna said...

Well put, Jaycee.
Well put.

Aijay said...

Wow! This is deep.
Sweetie, God is faithful!!
Please stay STRONG.
We're praying with u.
It is well!

Sha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Uzezi said...

thank God he agredd the kids will be raised as catholics. Just pray harder and hopefully ur mum will come over. mothers do get jealous of their daughters, but ur mum is merely concerned. u r crossing boundaries into another country. her reservations her understood. but only to an extent. win her over. God will guide u.

Olamild said...

Whatever you do, don't ever forget to ask GOd for direction. Let him direct your path. I am glad that things are with you and your lover.

I do see why mummy is concerned. All the reasons you've listed makes a lot of sense but she needs to realize that love is not easy to find this day and once you find it, u gotta cling ot it regardless. ... Just pray that the lord softens her heart and that of others.

Put your elder sister in prayer. May the lord give her unlimited happiness... As for you and your man, GOd will guide and guard you two through the whole process. If the lord be for you, who will be against you?

It is well dear. Don't even think about jumping in front of my danfo bus. I will park the car, pick you up, throw you in the back seat and carry you

Life's a jungle and we all struggle to get to the top. When a problem arises, don't be depressed. Think of it as a mountain...u either climb it, go around it or break it with whatever u can find... All the best

Writefreak said...

Come here girl..*gives arewa knock on the head*...what you thinking considering harming yourself? I go away for a few days and this is what i come to meet!
On a more serious note, a bit of your mum's reservations make sense just she's an extremist and then again, she's got no good record with you! No one should have to live with an abusive mother..
A piece of advice, if you can, try to continue walking in love towards your mum..1 Cor 13 tells us love never fails..sweetie, no one promised anyone an easy walk through life but in all of it, God's there with us.
My prayer, may You always see God's hands holding yours and taking you through the storms of life. It is well!

Queen of My Castle said...

I think I agree with Senator. No, self harm is NEVER the way to go. Your life is not your own to take, for it belongs to God. I pray that you are well and that God's will be done in your life.



Ah Arewa, I thank God you listened to his voice and did nothing to cause pain to you or others. God is good!

That being said, just continue to let God guide your path. I read at Okrika gal's blog this morning and I am looking at the world a little differently today. God will handle everything. Your mom included!


OluwaDee said...

Congratulations on ur upcoming wedding.

I must say u r brave. Hold on to God, trust in him and ask him 2 guide u alws. U will get thru this and come out standing.

be bold n ver courageous.

guerreiranigeriana said...

hmmmmnnn...truly glad you are moving out of the realm of depression and away from suicidal is not worth it!!!... are an are now responsible for your decisions and what you allow to influence what is best for you because nobody will pity you for following mommy's lead or misguidance in this case...if it doesn't work out, at least you can rest knowing that twas you that decided...when it does work out, you will also feel fine for having made your decision...

...your mom's concerns sound more like biased and prejudiced excuses...excuse me for saying such...they sound based on stereotype and not on the evidence in front of mother would say the same shit about my sis' egyptian muslim boyfriend...'they'll make your sis convert to islam or take the kids and run to egypt'...why can't they also think of what good things could happen?...or focus on the individual as opposed to generalizations?...don't mind the negativity and stay on your path with God...dwelling in negativity you'll find much company, but i prefer my positive sojourn... is well my sweet ghanerian...good luck and happy writing [what is your topic?]...and happy wedding planning when you resume...kisses love!!!...stay blessed, strong and always inspired!!!...

Zena said...

I apologise deeply for not getting to read this on time,

I shld seriously get an update from you sissy as soon as you post,

That must have been hard,There's this strange connection I feel btwn us, it's crazy,

I believe staying away just for a little while is best,
she has brought up some points but they aren't strong ones.

Ask God for directions and answer to him ONLY. I love you and you're in my prayers

Anonymous said...

i cant imagine how you feel at this point!just forgive your mom for everything and PRAY!

Kafo said...

well said

happy easter

i really needed to hear this it seems like mii and anxiety are having a secret affair

TheAfroBeat said...

Wow, this is my first time on here but just wanted to encourage you to keep committing your situation to God's hands and I'm sure things will work out in the end. Parents needs to put up a good fight before they resign themselves to the fact that their children are going to do what they want regardless of how much they rant and rave (especially if she's seen it work on your sister, her hope is probably that it'll work for you too if she keeps at it long enough). I hope she comes around in the end, and I'm sure your in-laws realise that her behaviour has nothing to do with your character/personality.

Good luck and congratulations!

AJIKE said...

it is well sweetie...congrats

beautiful soul said...

I know i am late.. but wow.. I just want to say that don't let the bitterness and anger control your life, make sure you take control, and do try to forgive her even if you don't get too close to her. And continue to pray. There are a lot of risks when thinking about marrying someone but if you only think about those then you might as well not bother, pls don't let her negativity cloud your positivity. Stay close to God always and you won't have to worry about anything. Love your blog by the way..

rebecca said...

What Does Little Birdie Say?


What does little birdie say,

In her nest at peep of day?

Let me fly, says little birdie,

Mother, let me fly away,

Birdie, rest a little longer,

Till the little wings are stronger.

So she rests a little longer,

Then she flies away.


What does little baby say,

In her bed at peep of day?

Baby says, like little birdie,

Let me rise and fly away.

Baby, sleep a little longer,

Till the little limbs are stronger.

If she sleeps a little longer,

Baby too shall fly away.

-----by runescape gold