Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Mixed feelings


(Proverbs 16:3)

Yes ..an update at last so no more comments asking me to update..sho gbo?!! My Yourba is in full mode!!!
Oh my dayssss.. i cant believe that its beeen exactly one month since my last post. No vex ooh theres just been so much going on and i will do my very best to update you guys. but i must say i have missed my blogville family plenty!!! I hope you guys are all doing ok and that i hope that family, children, partners, stalkers.....are all doing well by Gods grace.

April has always been a very difficult month for me since my dad passed away 6yrs ago and things just get to me as i am always reminded of his birthday on the 2nd of April and his deth in the 18 th of April every year. I tried to put up a blog in his memory but i just couldn't bring myself tod o it for some reason so i mourned in silence......I miss my dad so much with all the things that I am currently going through and wish he was here to comfort me and to also share all wonderful things that i have achieved and continue to achieve in my life. I wish he will be here to see his baby girl graduate in July and to get married in December by Gods grace. Damn I miss him soo much. May His soul continue to rest in perfect peace.


The main thing that kept me from updating was my dissertation and it is all done now. i handed it in 2 weeks ago and jut needed time to recover as i run out of vocabulary ......lol dont mind me.

So all i am almost done.....got 2 assignments and 1 exam in the next couple of weeks and yours truly will be graduating in July..........FINALLY!!!!

I know that the cheeky ones amongst una are itching for an update on my jogging and excercising...i have a confession to make.... its been 3 weeks since my last jog on Hampstead heath but i am actually looking forward to continuing my routine once i am done with my exams and my assignments by the end of the month. So you better watch this space!!!

Now about my situation with my mum. The woman is still not budging and is still refusing to give me her blessing to marry the love of my life. but i have managed t make a bit of progress back home as my Uncle(mum's older brother) is willing to stand in on my mums behalf as he doesnt seem to understand why my mum is being so strong headed. I am happy about this but stilll wish that she will see sense and just let me be.


I am actually planning on having a word with her about her attending my graduation as I do not want her to turn up and ruin my day by disrespecting MR a few well wishers from his family.

I am thinking of asking her to consider her invitation to my graduation as her last chance of being involved in my life as i will expect her to be at the wedding if she decides to attend my graduation as both events mean a lot to me and will do for the rest of my life.

The relationship with my mum is one that seems to be getting worse to the extent that i actually HATE her for trying to make me a failure and for the way that she has continued to disrespect and destroy me.

I prefer to walk away from all this now in order to keep the little bit of sanity, self respect and esteem that i have left.
What use is a mother who is unable to show her own child love and affection?
What use is a mother who picks work over her family and yet tries to tell her daughter what to do?
What good is a mother who lies about her own daughter just to cover up her faults?
Why cant they see what i see and just be happy for me?
My heart aches badly as I yearn for my mothers love and affection ............why must i be subjected to so much pain by my own mum.

IT ALL STOPS HERE AND NOW. CUS I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I AM FINALLY CUTTING ALL TIES WITH MY MUM AND MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE, THE CHOICE TO MISS OUT ON THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENTS IN MY LIFE IS HERS TO MAKE AND THERE IS NOTHING MORE I CAN DO ABOUT THIS SITUATION.

I know some of you might be wondering what the hell is wrong with me and why I sound this way or why i just cant seem to get on with my life without bothering about my family(mum) but it trust me it isn't easy at all.... but i have to be positive and look to the Lord for a sense of direction and a source of strength because i feel drained.


Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."




54 comments:

30+ said...

She updates finally!

30+ said...

Babes just trust God, once you put Him first all the rest including your mumsie will follow.

It will take time no doubt but it will all work well.

Okay now back to Hampstead Hill.

Simi Speaks said...

welcome bck and congrats on ur graduation! thats awesome.

Let Him lead u concerning ur mum. :-)

how are wedding preps going?

Jaycee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jaycee said...

First, Congratulations on ur graduation dear.

Second, I see that you are between a rock and a hard place right now.

Your mum is going according to what she knows abt the Word (and marriage). But if God led you into this in the first place, and you are SURE u're in the right place, it will survive.

"In your weakness, His strength is made perfect."

Sha said...

May ur dads soul continue to rest in perfect peace.
congrats on handin in ur dissertation, and on ur grad as well.
as for ur mum, well keep praying. It is well..

have a lovely week.xxx

Zena said...

First of all,

Hmm! What is wrong with you? I almost posted a missing person's ad for you, how can u leave us like that ehn?

Lemme go read now?

guerreiranigeriana said...

she lives!!!...i've missed you sweets...

...congratulations are in order for completing and submitting your dissertation!!!...hip hip hooray!!!...no be small thing...now knock out the last two assignments and exam so we can party for your coming graduation!...

...may your father's soul continue to rest in perfect peace...i am sure he does as he watches his very competent and able daughter navigate the sometimes difficult terrain we call life...you continue to succeed and accomplish those things i am sure he would have encouraged you to do were he alive...be strong and continue to persevere regardless of any negativity that may try to deter you...

...i feel you on the difficulty with releasing a toxic relationship, especially with family...who doesn't want the love of their family members?...remain faithful and continue to work on you so that you can attract the type of love you want and banish that which you don't want...i'm sure we'll read posts down the line about this again; and it is ok...its difficult...just know that you are a divine and beautiful reflection of God [the worldly version of 'you're a child of God';)], worthy of love, respect and happiness...seek to surround yourself with those who can help you achieve this and whom you can help....kisses...

Zena said...

Lol @ the stalkers comment
Congratulations for handing in the dissertation, so no more excuses,you cannot keep the drugs from an addict....

May your Father's soul continue to rest in perfect peace

I dunno if we mirror eachother or something, I'm similarly going through the same thing with my mum, I'm tired of ppl giving excuses for her and I'm tired of taking the abuse....I used to crave for her affection... she is my mother though(does words are supposed to mean something) maybe not necessarily cut her off, put some space btwn you too,

You're a beautiful person, made in his own image, everything will work out the way HE wants it too.
Love you
xoxoxo

LG said...

Dearie, IT IS WELL,just leave everything to God,

congrats on ur graduation n d big one*winks*

ibiluv said...

babes.....ur mum will come thru......

Afrobabe said...

oh my God...I have been so worried about u...silly girl..

Afrobabe said...

As for ur mum, just leave it in God's hands...

Nijawife said...

Just take it cool and leave everything to God.You should not trade your mother for a penny bcos you can never buy her for a pound.Yes,she is whatever you said but dont forget you are not perfect as well.Your mother mean well but her approach might be wrong.

As a xtian,continue to seek the face of God on this matter.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Sometimes the people who hurt us the most, are the one's we love the most. I hope she comes around...or that the situation works out. Congratulations on almost being 'graduated'

NikkiSab said...

CONGRATS!!!! on ur graduation.
About ur mom not wanting to share ur special days with u.....I will pray dat tins change and I want u to pray as well for ur mom. No matter how annoying n painful u tink tins av been and are lookin, dont stop praying for her.
I hope ur wedding prep is going on well.

Nyemoni said...

I like the way jaycee put it...between a rock and a hard place...Phew...I'm totally at loss for good advice...wishing you the best and sending hugs your way!

Nyemoni said...

Congrats on your exams and all dear!

Olamild said...

Gurl, I feel your pain
I know how you feel though I am not in your shoes. I know you're frustrated and upset with mummy but you have to keep your head up and stay strong.

Your words cut like a knife and no one can and should blame you for them because it is unfair that you're going through all this pain. All I can say is the lord that has brought you this far will continue to guide and guard you. Put all your trust in the lord, he's the only one that never fails.
Besides your true love, always remember God loves you and he's right there willing to help with any kind of problem you might be experiencing.

Allied said...

Are u okay?

Just believe that there is nothing God cannot do..

Naapali said...

Congrats on graduation and your wedding plans.

guerreiranigeriana said...

come and update love...

princesa said...

I just know ther will be a miracle soon. Your mum will budge in Jesus name, Amen. Dont cut her off yet.

Missed u babes!

Aijay said...

Hey babes, congrats on ur graduation!!!
As for ur mum, don't cut her off. God is ALWAYS in control.

naijalines said...

Congrats on your graduation. God is with you and will see you through all trials. When you are married, I wish you a very happy 'forever married' life.

AlooFar said...

Takw it eazy with mumcy O!

Afrobabe said...

How are you sweetheart???

guerreiranigeriana said...

...sweetness, its june o!!!...where are you?...i hope you are well...

Olamild said...

Hey there

I know it's been ages
but I hope you are doing gr8
Be blessed

ONADA Photography said...

I LOVE how you started this post! Congratulations on graduation! Everything will fall in place. Just remain faithful.

Writefreak said...

Babes, i agree it's a tough road you're walking! You h ave a right to rant as many times as you want. When it all comes down to it, family will always be family..if your mum causes you so much unhappiness, maybe take a tep back like you said. And please, please do not HATE. Hate is not a word God will approve of and will hurt you more than her. Just tell God exactly how you feel and ask Him to help you forgive her. It might be a hard process.

Congrats on your graduation! Hope say i no too preach...take care and regards to Mr

Writefreak said...

And may your dad's sould rest in peace and may his memories never fade in your heart.

UndaCovaSista said...

Arewa, hope you're ok babe. It's been a while...just checking in on ya. Take care

30+ said...

Where you dey?

Hope all is well?

Take Kia

Afrobabe said...

Hey sweets, hope u are good...

Zena said...

AREWA!AREWA!AREWA.

HOW MANY TIMES DID I CALL YOU?

Sha said...

Hey sis, hope all is well?

Naapali said...

Hope you are well and your plans are going ahead okay.

Olamild said...

Na God i take beg u
oya update by fire

guerreiranigeriana said...

...arewa dearest...where are you?...i hope you are so busy wedding planning that you can't come blog...sending hugs and kisses...

Writefreak said...

Sweetie, where are you? I hope everything's ok!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

congrats on the achievements!!!! As for your mom, God is always in control. And maybe a frank conversation as you have suggested will be the key.

God bless, my sista

Zena said...

Arewa,

ur back on here and u haven't stopped to say hi yet?

rebecca said...

THE CUCKOO

In April,

Come he will,

In May,

Sing all day,

In June,

Change his tune,

In July,

Prepare to fly,

In August,

Go he must!
~by maple story accounts

30+ said...

Arewa long time!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where art thou.

Naapali said...

hope you are well.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

i lost all the music on my computer well it crashed so i come here on and on to listen to jill scott.. im wondering why u havent updated oh this babe...

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

congrats my darling

Olamild said...

How have u been?

Writefreak said...

Babe, hope you're ok, where are you? Been thinking of you, please let me know if you get this...

WIll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

The Boob Sistas said...

Hiya babes. Merry Christmas. I hope you're feeling much better now. Have you finally married your Nigerian prince? I feel ya on your mum but...well just try and make up with her...

Stay blessed and please visit mine sometime. xxx

Olamild said...

Gurl
hope u r okay

Writefreak said...

Darling, i sincerely hope you're ok o...you have me really worried but i trut that all is well with you...i hope you get to read this..take care!

THIRTY + said...

Please update now even if it is one line to let us know you are ok.