I write this blog with a heavy heart...as i am still upset and fuming from the events of the past week.
Mr and I were involved in settling disagreements between two married couples (friends of ours)all within the space of four days. I am not talking just couples disagreeing or arguing about stuff oooh. This one nah blow for blow exchange.
I do not think that it is right for a man to hit a woman especially his wife and i do not think that it is also right for a woman to also hit a man.
Guys don't get me wrong ooh i know that some women know how to wind their men up to the point of no return but.. i think that a real man should be able to walk away from the situation no matter what, without giving in to the temptation of raising your hand to strike a woman.
I also know that men sometimes take the utter piss to the point that you feel like killing them but ..we need to be able exercise self control in such situation.
The bit that really gets to me in all this is that both couple have kids who witness all this madness every time that it happens. Why will any parent want to put their child through all that.
Hitting ones wife/ Girlfriend/ Husband/ Boyfriend does not solve the problem .. it only complicates things....
EPISODE ONE:
Mr and Mrs A. live just next door to us and have a beautiful daughter who turns 2 in October. Their situation is soo complicated as it involves so many little & big things that have happened over the years. So any little disagreement always erupts into a big fight, which end up in bruise, broken doors, plates ...u name it. Evryone in the area knows about thier fights but.. no one has dared to ever call the Police as we feel thatit might lead to Social Services taking thier Daughter away.. i guess no one wants to be a home recker.
I know that people have made silly remarks that it might be their way of expressing their love for each other.. which i think is totally absurd. WEY KAN LOVE B THAT?
They fight each other at least twice a month and it is not easy to live next door to such drama. Mr and I decided a long time ago not to get involved any longer but it not easy when u hear them fighting and knowing that there is a two year old who sees all this..... is heart breaking.
I always feel akward when thier daugther visits us and tries to explain what her parents get up to (just because she is upset)...How do u make a child of 2 understand why her mum and dad get into fist fights?
EPISODE TWO: Mr and Mrs B (are a mixed couple...Mr is from Naija while Mrs is from Lithuania)
Well to cut a long story short, Mr had been running up his phone bill by calling one chick that he works while his Mrs was away on holiday, he claimed he was helping her with her papers and this was well to known to the Mrs but his Mrs started to get a bit suspicious as Mr always excuses himself when this chick called and will be speaking really quietly if u know what i mean(like he was hiding something) So Mrs called the girl and asked her if there was anything going on as she did not feel that her husband should whisper or excuse himself everytime she calls him......
Now in true black people style the girl flipped at the Mrs telling her that she should have a word with her husband as he was the one chasing her and about how she is more prettier than the Mrs and a whole load of rubbish so the Mrs Flipped on her and cussed her proper.
So we(a few female friend as the Mrs doesn't have many friends) were at their house on the weekend about to celebrating their sons 2nd birthday when Mr walked into the house(as he had popped out earlier on) went straight to the Mrs and started asking her why she called the chick he works with and what ahe said to her.......
The Mrs was a bit surprised as he was doing this in our presence and in the presence of soo many other kids.....she did not say anything to him as she did not want to cause a scene...
Next thing we heard was whhammm Whhhammm Mr had slapped his Mrs twice and she was on the floor.
We all stood there in suprise...at Mr's actions. The kids were all staring and a couple of them begun to cry. A couple of us rushed to help after a few seconds of digesting what had just happened we tried to get Mr off Mrs but we just were not strong enough so i got on the phone and called my swwetheart to come over and help (as welive just round the corner from them) ....at which point Mr just stormed out the door swearing and cussing.
I just could not believe it we all stood there not knowing what to say, as MRS obviously felt very uncomfortable because we had all witnessed the drama. But i must give her a lot of credit because she did not show a single sign of fear or weakness all though i knew that it was just a front.
What on earth will cause a man to strike a woman?
What would u have done if you were Mrs episode two's situation..cause i just don't want to sound bias.. but i Will take my bags and leave if my husband should ever hit me ooh.
How do u advice a friend in such a situation.......especially when there are kids involved and they start to pick up this violence displayed by their parents?
WHAT PISSES ME OFF ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING IS THAT THEY ALWAYS GET BACK TOGETHER AFTER A FEW DAYS ACTING ALL LOVIE DOVIE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED..WHO ARE THEY KIDDING?! Definitely not me !
26 comments:
That is always how it is unfortunately.Some people believe that love hurts and so will stay in an abusive relationship.
My sista, stay out of it, call the cops if necessary, but no poke your nose for der. So, frustrating....
As Solomon says Arewa,
Please don't get too involved in it. It's sad.
In Situation 2, I guess Mrs B handled it the only way I think she could.
Horribly enough, those children will grow up thinking it's right for a man to hit a woman, hence the cycle continues.
God knows why those women stay...probably insecurity(I've had a child(ren)for him, where will I go
Or--He didn't meant it, it was my fault
Or--God said no divorce, I can't possibly leave him.
It's sad sha. But Arewa, what do you think, Is it better to call the police, or for an Innocent 2 yr old to be robbed of her innocence?
(sorry for the long comment)
CALL THE POLICE, CALL THE POLICE, CALL THE POLICE. I am not sorry for shouting thrice. It starts with slaps and beating until it turns to weapons. How will you feel if one day you hear that either party killed the other one, or the child was injured in a scuffle? All those stories of women killing their spouses or husbands killing their wives, children and then themselves started as abuse. Does this mean either of these couples will go down that path? I dont know, but are you willing to take the chance and forever wonder why you did nothing? As Benjamin Disraeli put it, the only condition necessary for evil to prevail is that good (wo)men do nothing.
Many yrs ago I lived with my cousin just after arriving the UK. She was to all appearances happily married until the beatings and fighting started. Once, I had to step in and carry my coz (and if u saw her you would know that this was no small feat) to another room, turn around and wrestle the 7" butcher knife out of his hand while their two year old son was watching. We called police, changed locks etc. Of course they got back together, asked me to leave their house which I gladly did. Two more children and more beatings later they finally separated and her life is better for it.
I understand the natural tendency to avoid getting involved in others domestic issues but violence begets more violence. The abused person loses perspective and often needs someone to stand up for them. Just dont expect thanks and hugs after.
Oh hell to the freaking NO
There is no way I am staying with a man that views me as a punching bag.
I think I understand why she's trying to make things work
She has a kid or two with him
You know it's not easy to start exposing kids to stp day/mom and all that. There's nothing like having a loving family with the father of her kid
If I was her and I decided to stay
U better trust that I am enrolled in self-defense class.
that just frigging annoys me.. stay out of it abeg
My dear dis na d life of some couples now adays o. My friend recently n is going thru dis but saddly dia case is sooooo far gone but i am hopeful dat tins mite work out. he is like 6ft 3 and she is 5ft 6 and de girl de tear d chap slap until recently dat he began to be responsive to her hits with retaliation.De av a son n she is preg now but how do i or we all beg him not to divorce my girl? I dont see a situation so upsetting dat hitting becomes a necessity. We all av self control and ability to be civil with our partners. Life is a decision. If u dont decide to stop reacting u will continue to be a violent pair. Pray for dem and tell dem to practice more self control cos de r gradually breeding a line of violent children.
I agree...stay out of it, and only give your advice when asked. I had a friend in a similar situation, and when I told her my opinion, she went back and told her hubby, who in turn told my hubby at the time, and I became ostracized from the group because she chose to stay with him. Some women have little or no self esteem, therefore they opt to stay
As a child my father used to hit my mother, and my sister and I always wished that she would just leave him, but she never did because she said that she could not provide for us like he did on her own.
I would just leave if I were Mrs. B
Domestic violence is soo sad.
I feel sorry for Mrs B.
Like everyone has said, stay out of it. I also think you should mention counselling. She could get the support/strength she needs to leave when she speaks to a professional.
It's been 3000 years since the madness started and it still doesnt make much sense.
Violence is always a terrible way to settle indifferences. It never works.
i think it's an extremely stupid manwho resorts to such means to sort out his problems with someone his love.
It might be his wife, his girlfriend or even his boyfriend.
it doesnt make it right.
It's plain wrong.
Me.. i could never hit a lady. I just couldnt..
The guy;s a bum..
My opinion.
He has a problem with it...
i;m ready to meet him..
I detest men that raise their hands on ladies. It's da most abominable thing to do. having a lot of sista's has made me view women as a treasure to be handled with care. Everyone of us has our soft spots, finding each other's soft spots will definitely make a HUGE difference on da way we handle tiffs.
sad!sad!!
wow this is a terrible situation. MRs needs to needs to decide for herself to LEAVE. I also think you should get too involved before they start blaming their problems on you.
I would have packed my bags and left since!!
thats why dont interfere in couple brouhaha. u r right a real man does not hit a woman. just go and have a drink or 2 with the boys and by the time u reach home, u'd be better
çok güzel bir site.
omo if na be be Mrs B, id have left long time ago, im soryr but i dont believe in giving him another chance and all that nonsense, what give him another chance until i end up six feet under? i dont think so, i wont suffer in silence, u hit me once im out of there with my child(ren) and i aint looking bak.
but babes, please just try and stay out of it sha, u know d thing with love now, small time now they will sort themselves out and ud be the bad one/hoe wrecker!!!
Wow. This is a serious issue. I personally try not to get involved in such things. I had a friend in a similar situation and of course, i said all the right things, the things any friend would say i.e. you cant let him treat you like that blah, blah, blah. They actually separated, but are now back together and while i do not take back anything i said, things can get awkward. it's best to leave things to the couple to sort out as any advice you give will definitely come back to bite you on the backside..
there is no comma not acceptable but hmm ppl can only be so involved u know...everyone has their cross to bear
im not even go into discussing or arguing why ppl wd justify hitting ones spouse
ur blog is great - hehe
aramide.blogspot.com
What sort of rubbish is that, the man in scenario B especially an animal why would you do that especially in front of everybody. Indeed why will any man want to beat a woman in the first instance. This issue of abuse is heart wrenching for me.
wow!i'm trying hard to believe it really happened. he hit her right there in front of everyone? mehn, still speechless...talk about lack of respect. a lot has been said about men who hit women, but i think they're just stupid cowards with psychological problems.
Aaaaaaaargh, where are you now? Update now or there'll be wahala here oo ;)
Scenario B, that man is a mad dog! Not only did he hit her, but in front of people...He's mad, I swear as for case A, they have serious problems I swear...They fight twice in a month at least on the reg? Help them somebody!
I just passed by to say hi.
Not read any posts yet but will be back soon.
Cheers.
hmmmm
that is the cycle of violence. It normally takes a lot of prayers, strength, support to get out of a domestic violence situation.
The second situation - the man has lost all respect for his wife.
:D
Am back,tara!!
This post really pain me sha! kai...that man who slapped his wife over a girlfriend must be under the influence of something! Jazz or alcohol!
Its a crime to act violently like dat in front of kids! The trauma!! Abeg call the police when next they start o! Just dont let them know you did it*wink*.
if he could hit her in front of every one, you can be sure he has more for her.
children or not i would run(after destroying sumtin he really loves)
damn! i can't believe he disrespected her like that. how sad :(
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