Wednesday, 7 November 2007

I love u but..I dont TRUST u!!

Guess who is back in full, maself and I ....the flu finally got the message and buggered off. Still feel a bit funky now and then but my GP claims that i should be ok by next week....Thank God for that cause there was no way i was going to be taking anymore agbo jedijedi and all those pescribed tablets.Trust me it was soo bad that MR started to call me a Druggie.....the bloody cheek.
Thanks for all the get well wishes and to those of u who didnt bother wishing me well ... lets just say ....WE SHALL SEE..(U know who u
Ok so now i need your help people...... just a few ideas because i just cant seem to get my head around this whole issue:
One of my very good friends from back in the day called me just the other day to see how i was doing as we hadnt spoken in a quiet a while as we had both been really busy(lets call her Esi) I strated on the usual note asking about her family, her studies, work and then finally her man....she was answering as i threw the questions at her but i sensed a bit of hesitation when i asked about her man....all she said was ahh he is there compaired to the usual oh he is fine ooh ..i even just got of the phone with him blah blah blah...

So i started probing and thing my friend just broke down in tears....saying how she was fed up and didnt know if she can deal with all of this anymore....Esi and her man have been togather for 8yrs and there has always been a bit of insecurity on her mans side.. he gets very paranoid when Esi fails to pick up his calls, he gets very jealous when she mentions her male friends or male aquientance even her he had accused her of having something to do with him a while ago just because she felt very unwell a while ago and had to keep going in for regular check ups.

Heres a typical example....... Esi left her phone in a taxi last week and luckily had the phone returned to her local station a few hours later......there were about 10 missed calls on her phone 8 of which were from him....The phone rings a few minutes later the phone rings and Esi picks up:

Esi: Helloo?

Boyfriend: So ur picking up my call now?! i take it that u have finished doing whatever it wa u were doing with him

Esi: What r u on about.....i left my phone in a taxi and had it retured not even up to 10mins ago
Boyfriend: U mean u have finished with the man that uwerwe with sooo u can pick up now ..isny it?!
Esi: I dont know aht u r talking about.. did u not hear what i just told u
Boyfriend: U keep on doing whatever t is ur doing..we shall seee(then he hungs up)

Now in the begining when Esi use to complain to me about her mans behaviour.. I use to tell her that He would change after a while as he just needed some reassurance from her and we put it down to the fact thathe might have been really hurt in the past.....and also due to that fact that Esi is a very attractive young woman who turns heads whereever she goes......
But how do u begin understand this when it has gone on for soo long. What does it take to earn the trust f a man like this?.. I honestly dont know how Esi managed to put up with this for soo long .....I guess deep down she has always had some hope that things will change and that she would earn his trust somehow.....she has never cheated on him and has always been very true to him so where is all this comming from? And what happens now as he has started saying things like 'maybe u two should not be together anymore' and saying things like 'I LOVE U BUT I CANT TRUST U'?

What do i say to encourage her to keep holding on...or do i just tell her to up and go ? How long will u put up with a guy or a girl like this?Where does one start from when u break up from an 8yr relationship?
I honestly dont know how thier relationship has managed to thrive for 8yrs in this condition as I have always believed that TRUST is one of the most important elements that steers a relation in the right way....



This story na wa oh! I am sure that the guy has serious positives, thus an 8 year relationship. But, extremely jealous people can eventually become very unpredictable and dangerous. Is that the future your girl wants for herself - one with an insecure and jealous mate? Well, she will have to make the choice for herself. I wish her luck oh.

Anonymous said...

thats some MAJOR insecurity.
thats the type of man that would have their children take paternity tests...

Zena said...

first off, I have to sing
"Cos a rose, is still a rose,
and baby girl, you're still a flower
they can leave you and take you,
make you or break you, but darling, you hold the power(what I am, is what I am)
ok, 8 years is not a joke, but at the same time, what is love without trust,
all that "with time"thing doesn't work, people usually advise that when u get into a relationship, u shouldn't expect the peson to change or you will change that person.
Love isn't supposed to hurt that way. I know,I'm not in the position to tell her what to do, but is it worth it?that kind of person can turn to violence if his insecurities get the best of him ooh!

Nyemoni said...

What rubbish? Tell her to lose him already jo! He's so insecure! jainsense! Those types get violent for real!

Carlang said...

I honestly thing she should leave her Boyfriend.
There is nothing as annoying as a jealous spouse. Particularly when , as is this case , the feelings are not justified.
Tell her to leave the guy.
And move on.
If she has problems with moving on she should give me a call.

I;m on sabattical but in her case..
I'd willingly make an exception.

Jinta said...

I dont know how they lasted o! If the guy needs contant reassurance and it isn't the girl stoking his insecurity, then he has issues. If the girl makes him insecure, he still has issues for hanging around for 8 yeras.

guerreiranigeriana said...

wow...unwarranted insecurities always make me raise an he projecting? he really cheating and that's why he thinks she is cheating?...i had a 'friend' who would do a similar thing to becomes rather tiring especially when you are doing some cases, it drives you to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do, for the sake of not giving them reasons for suspicion...either she will leave, or he will...maybe...would not want to marry that type...

30+ said...

Arewa, encouraging her to hold on ke...a man who has insecurities like that after 8yrs, your girl is not safe if she marries him.


Zena said...

u've bn tagged

The Last King Of Scotland said...

trust is key in any relationship, a lack of it means its dead or dying......

Sha said...

Hmmm.. very sad! Its very easy to tell her to leave him, but 8years man.. that should mean something i guess.
But dat is too much, how did the gurl put up with that kinda crap for 8 good years?? Its obvious homeboy gat issues, deep issues and they prolly need to see a SHRINK! Its been going on for way too long and right now something gotta be done.

A whole lotta communication with both parties and if all else fails, then its prolly time to say goodbye.

Nice blog tho.. just passin' thru :-D

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

Men, I suggest esi relocate kia kia o. That guy sounds like one of those that will show up with a machete one day and do some damage because his bipolar schizophrenic jealous arse just swung into overdrive...eight years will mean nothing when she is limbless

Olamild said...

Reminds me so much of my last bf

waowwwwwwww I really don't know what to say
but i think the act is childish

They've been together for so long
what else does he want her to prove to him? He's mad about the fact that men want her but that's natural. He just needs to tighten his seat belt. The girl's not cheating, why is he worried?

Tell your friend to sit him down and talk some sense into his head


Tell her to lose the bobo fast, its not how long o, it is how well..

Aijay said...

This is so sad.
After 8years he starts acting funny - being insecure & all. Saying he loves her but doesn't trust her?? What's the dude's problem?
Something's definitely wrong somewhere. If u ask me, my 7th sense says he's cheating or wants to opt out of the relationship. Thats too bad cos Esi deserves better.
Like others have said, I don't think one can have a healthy relationship without trust.

Aijay said...

As for what Esi should do, she needs to have a serious talk with her boyfie.

Arewa, how far with the WW? Lol.

Queen of My Castle said...

I know my comment is redundant, and I NEVER tell women to leave their mates, but in this case I fear for her safety, or lack thereof.


update, babe!

Teediva said...

my sister i'm just cool like that jare, no mind them, nothing do me.

about ur Esi friend, it must be really tough for her if in 8 years she has not been able to gain his trust. i think it's an obvious case of inferiority complex that the guy has to go talk to a psychologist or someone about. in the meantime since she loves him so much, she should stand by him if he can see reason and admit to having a problem and help him get help. if not, then she'd better clear from him and be sad for a few months than stick to him and cry the rest of her life.


Either one of them cheated or is cheating at the moment. If i were u, i will tell her to get up, take up her stuff and walk, just like Peter told the crippled at the temple in Jerusalem

Olamild said...

THanks 4 stopping by
I am doing better


Love without trust is incomplete

Naapali said...

Glad u r feeling better. sorry about the late wishes.
Your friend should cut her losses and walk away now. This does not look like it will get better.

Sherri said...

just jammed ur blog.(cool)
hold on to wetin?
the bobo is major loco!
after 8yrs,she shd run like hell!
hope'u're feeling better?

pamela said...

She should up and go because she does not want that kind of drama...If she marries this guy - does she want to continue on with that kind of drama...abegi....she should let him go...move on....

He needs to go see a psychologist with a quickness...


belover said...

i am that guy i . i love my girlfriend and i want to be with her she lives three houndred miles away form me. i wont to trust her so bad but how am i sopost to know. i know as a guy we go overbord sometimesand act like idotes but when we give are hearts to a someone that we love who dosent go alittle crazy some times wether it be jeallousy of worry or hate even cause right now i hate to love her but i do and i cant stop........ so help me if you can

Isabella said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Isabella said...



U said wen we give our heart to someone who doesn't become a bit crazy.But u r not a bit crazy.There is a limit to be jealous.Learn to trust her n if u dnt then it means u dnt lv her.Love is a bond of trust